Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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