No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
