I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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