His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
