There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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