im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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