it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
