shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
