Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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