Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
