I've blown a few things in my day
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
