3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
