i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
