Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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