No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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