I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
