I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
