yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
