I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
