He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
