Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
