They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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