This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize