I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
