I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
