how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
