Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
