Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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