The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
