if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize