sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
