The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
