I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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