I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
