i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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