i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
