Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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