My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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