One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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