ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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