AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
