I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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