One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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