Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
