you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
