don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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