I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
