After last night, I could never be a politician.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
