He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
