I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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