The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize