peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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