i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
