am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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