I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
