Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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