I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
