Moan for me like Helen Keller
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
