i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
