I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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