Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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