I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
