i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
