I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
