omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
