Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will pee on everything he values.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize