Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
