Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
