Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
