I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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