I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
