What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
