I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
