its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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