When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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