We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
