I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
