Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize