No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
