did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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