sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
