The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize