GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's get the cat blown out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
