Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
