I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
