I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do herpes really smell.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
