Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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