i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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