drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
