I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
