Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize