Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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