PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You can't motorboat a personality
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
