just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
