my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
