Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Of course I have a pirate flag
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
