Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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